Why fixations are so real?

We all have one or the other fixation and these fixations drive our life. On the one hand, our fixations look like an integral part of our existence while on the other hand, at times, we are surprised to see the fixations of others and they appear to be unnecessary. For example, A may have a fixation with good health to the extent of ignoring all social functions to avoid outside food. B may be having a fixation with social approval to the extent of attending each social function at the cost of health. C may have a fixation with recognition at his workplace and may easily compromise on his family time for the job. While D may have a fixation with his family and may ignore even crucial meetings at the office for a small function at home. 

What is the reason that our own fixations appear to be so justified to us, while we can see easily where the other person is stuck? I feel that it all depends upon one fact. Who is in the driving seat? Is it ignorance or awareness? 

Around 400 years ago, when we did not have the telescopes and rockets to know the reality of our solar system, almost each one of us was quite sure that the earth is flat and the sun revolves around the earth. Today, we have very strong telescopes. Our satellites are orbiting around different planets in the solar system. If anybody says today that the earth is flat, we call him ignorant. 

The same phenomenon takes place inside us. We are hardly aware of the functioning of our body and the brain. We start using these instruments without ever reading their user manual. These instruments have their natural safeguards. The body has many levels of safeguards starting from the senses to the skin, white blood cells, lymph nodes to many other internal organs to filter the bacteria and viruses. Similarly, the brain also has its natural safeguard in the form of fear. A part of the brain called the amygdala stores all such memories when we experience threats to our existence. For example, if we experience deceit from a family member or a friend, the painful memories of such deceit stored in our amygdala warn us each time we start forming a deep relationship with a person.

Similarly, if we experience financial problems or exploitation by the powerful or insensitivity of the system, the painful memories of such experiences, stored in our amygdala, may make us fixated on certain motivations such as motivation to accumulate greater wealth or power or position. This is a natural defense mechanism of our brain. 

Since we do not read the user manual of the brain, we fail to realize when and how to recalibrate these defense mechanisms which suffer from the following errors:

1. The error of perception: First of all, most of the time, these defense mechanisms get triggered by the wrong perception of the threats. We believe what we see and hear, without verifying the facts. In a hurry to make meaning of the experiences, we mix facts and fiction.
2. The error of interpretation: Further, facts are often misleading because there are different meanings of the same instance from different vantage points. For example, one major cause of discord between married couples is that the partner's behavior has changed. On the surface, it looks like a valid complaint. However, if we see it from another perspective, it's natural to grow with experiences. We change the perspective and the reality changes significantly.
3. Metal stories: Moreover, after the experience, we start making mental stories and keep repeating the same to ourselves. I was reading a book mentioning the experiments with war veterans. While these veterans came out of World War and their interviews were taken and recorded. Their interviews were again taken after around 30 years. Their memories of the same experience change significantly. That is what happens to all of us. We keep repeating the mental stories with certain changes each time we repeat these stories. Since there is no verification mechanism, the mind starts believing these stories more than the real ones.
4. Missing the context: Most of the time, we miss the context. We have different experiences in a context and our brain mistakes them to be absolute. We need to recalibrate these experiences to the present context and unless we do the same, we remain fixated on these thoughts even if they are not contextually relevant. 

Thus, most of the fixations are the result of our ignorance and lack of understanding of the functioning of our body and mind. We can not see our own fixations, because of the errors of perception and interpretation while having experiences, the mental stories we build around them, and the inability to recalibrate our brain with the change of context. We do not commit these errors while looking at the lives of others and therefore can easily see through their fixations. Awareness is the only way to get over these fixations. If we are aware while having experiences, we will commit minimum errors and will not fall into the trap of fixations.