Social interactions

 We come across different types of human beings in our day-to-day life. The mind of different beings is like the TV screen. Some like to see a particular channel all day long. Some like to quickly change channels, not having much attention to any of the channels. Some like different channels at particular times. Similarly, some people get fixated on a particular thought all the time. Some keep jumping from one thought to the other all the time. Some try to have a sort of balance. 

So far so good. The problem arises when two people are forced to interact or work or spend time together. For example, in a family, in an office, or in a social gathering. In such situations, if both persons have the same liking for the channels, there is no problem and the interaction goes very well. Say, for example, both want to criticize a common friend or the systems or the politics, the discussion will go very well. If both have the habit of jumping from one to the other topic but have similar interests, then also the discussions will go smoothly. If both like to discuss a wide variety of topics, the discussions will be fine then too.

There is a problem when one of them is fixated on a particular topic and the other is not interested. One is adamant to see a particular channel and the other has no interest in that channel. In these cases, reactions depend on a number of factors, and my observations are as follows:

1. Generally, people make friends and live in communities with people having similar interests and levels of consciousness and therefore they enjoy each other's company and interactions.
2. Even if they have different interests, in most interactions, the most vocal one leads the discussions and the others listen to him in anticipation of getting some information about his experience because they are also curious about that information.
3. When people are fixated on their interests, in such interactions, the more vocal people take the lead, and the passive ones, having different interests, absent themselves mentally while being physically present in order to maintain social etiquette. Some have very strong views and fixations but are not so vocal. They distance themselves from these discussions.
4. All of us have different bandwidths of tolerance depending upon our nature and the circumstances. When we are forced to stay in a company we do not enjoy, we feel unpleasant sensations. There are different limits of tolerance for different people. Once the unpleasant sensations cross a threshold, we rebel and take active steps to move away from such company.

A question always comes to my mind. When two people at different levels of consciousness are interacting with each other, the one having greater fixation always becomes more vocal and bullies to get what he wants. While the others with a higher level of consciousness, try to ignore this. He tries to work on his tolerance and increase the threshold of the unpleasant sensations that he may bear. This gives the first person even more opportunity to be unreasonable and bully. At what point in time, the second one should assert or leave the first one and move on?

I find the story of Mahabharata very relevant here. Krishna gave every chance to Dhritrashtra and Duryodhana to get rid of their fixations. Even to the extent of going to Hastinapur, as a messenger, just before the war. When Duryodhana tried to attack him and arrest him, he realized that now no reconciliation is possible. Then he went for the battle. On the battlefield, he had absolute clarity. When Arjuna got confused between his duty as a warrior and his attachment to his relatives, he made Arjuna realize his true nature. Probably, without realizing that true nature, that level of detachment and focus is not possible. Our mind always remains in a state of confusion till we get to know our true nature. 

This is an extreme example of battle. However, the same battle goes on inside our minds all the time. Whether to indulge in senseless discussions or stay away or assert to change the direction of each social interaction. As we move along the path of spirituality and see the futility of the social interactions more clearly, we become more concerned and aware of the waste of time in shallow discussions. In such situations, there are two opposite forces working inside us. We do not want to waste our time in these sub-standard interactions because we see far better utility of time. On the other hand, there is still an attachment to social approval and we do not want social criticism. We are actually in the same state as Arjuna while going to the battle of Kurukshetra. There is no solution, till we clearly see our true nature and realize the futility of social approval and carry out our Swadharma without fear.