Working on the body that keeps the score

I was reading a book titled “The Body Keeps the Score” by “Bessel Van Der Kolk”. It's a book on trauma. The author has vast experience handling veterans of war and many other patients who have undergone trauma. The author writes in chapter 8 as follows:

“Change begins when we learn to “own” our emotional brain. This means learning to observe and tolerate the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation. Only after learning to bear what is going on inside can we start to befriend rather than obliterate, the emotions that keep our maps fixed and immutable.”

This appears such a relevant and truthful statement to me, especially when I see this in the context of vipassana meditation. The vipassana technique of Gautama Buddha is taught by Acharya Shri S. N. Goenka. The technique is based on twin pillars: “observation of body sensations” and “equanimity”.

The Vipassana technique works on the neuro-feedback mechanism. Our senses keep receiving inputs by seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, and tasting. These sensory inputs are interpreted by the brain. If these inputs carry any emotional meaning, in the form of like or dislike, the emotional brain triggers the secretion of different neurotransmitters resulting in pleasant/unpleasant sensations in the body. That is how the body temperature increases slightly after intense arguments. The role of these sensations is basically to prepare our body for the reaction or response. Sometimes, these sensations are not related to any sensory inputs but rather are outcomes of mental churning. We had a fight with the boss in the morning but the fight in the mind is still going on. The body sensations do not distinguish between the sensory input and the mental churning. The pleasant/unpleasant sensations are felt equally in both cases. The brain also forms correlations with different people or experiences. For example, unpleasant sensations may surface each time we visit any place associated with the memories of a broken relationship. Any such sensory input may also trigger the same reaction by the emotional brain. We may feel pleasant sensations, each time we visit the college where we spent good times with our friends.

These body sensations, whether pleasant or unpleasant also give feedback to the brain. Based on the feedback given by these sensations, the neural circuits in the emotional brain become stronger or weaker.  For example, somebody had a painful disease and was hospitalized for a long. Every time such a person visits the hospital, to consult the doctor, he may feel the same body sensations. The association of the hospital with painful memories may trigger the emotional brain to secrete the neuro-transmitters making us feel similar body sensations. If he keeps visiting the hospital regularly, the dislike associated with the hospital in the emotional mind may grow stronger. This may result in a stronger reaction next time. This so happens in relationships also. As the relationship between two persons turns sour, each time they see each other, the emotional mind is triggered and they feel unpleasant sensations. These sensations give the feedback to the brain and their mutual dislike for each other grows each time they feel physical discomfort in each other’s company.

Vipassana technique offers a simple and practical yet very powerful solution. The solution is to observe the body's sensations without reactions. That means that body sensations are not to be categorized between pleasant/unpleasant, desired/undesired, or good/bad. They just need to be observed. With this observation, the feedback cycle (body sensations-emotional mind) is broken. This results in a balanced life by resetting the emotional brain. We become less reactive to the situations and become equanimous. The emotional mind no longer gets triggered by small situations.

A question arises as to what is the meaning of observation and who is observing? Is it the mind that is observing its other part? I have tried to examine this question a number of times during meditation. I feel that most of the time while sitting with closed eyes, we do not observe at all. We just keep flowing with the thoughts: one after the other. There are very few moments, while we actually observe. The crucial difference between “flowing with the thoughts” and “observing” is the awareness of “separation” from thoughts and body sensations. If we feel separated from these thoughts and body sensations, we observe. If we feel happy or sad as per the thoughts coming to our mind, we are not observing and we are “flowing with the thoughts”. If we desire to have more or pleasant sensations or to avoid painful sensations, we are just “flowing with the sensation”.  If we are aware of the separation from these sensations, we are aware.

Thus, during observation with awareness, the observer is different from the observed. The observed is the field or “Kshetra”. The observer is the consciousness. Generally, the consciousness identifies with the field and therefore is not able to observe the field. For example, some person may feel that he is an officer. Here he has identified with the position he occupies. On the other hand, he may feel that “He” is working as an officer. Here, “He” has dissociated himself from the position. The problem is that generally, we are not able to dissociate ourselves from our thoughts and body sensations while sitting in meditation. That is the reason why meditation does not yield the intended benefits.

Krishna has beautifully explained it in Bhagwad Geeta,

इदं (this) शरीरं (body) कौन्तेय (Arjuna) क्षेत्रमित्यभिधीयते (the field thus called)।
एतद्यो वेत्ति (knows) तं (him ) प्राहुः (called) क्षेत्रज्ञ (the knower of the field) इति तद्विदः (the knowers of that )।।13.2।।

 This body, O Arjuna, is called the field; he who knows it is called the knower of the field, by those who know of them.

ध्यानेनात्मनि (by meditation in the self) पश्यन्ति (observe) केचिद (some) आत्मानम् (in the Self) आत्मना (by the self) ।

अन्ये (others) सांख्येन योगेन (by the Yoga of knowledge Yoga) कर्मयोगेन (by Karma Yoga) चापरे।।13.25।।

 13.25 Some by meditation observe the Self in the self by the self, others by the Yoga of knowledge, and still others by the Yoga of action.

 

क्षेत्र (field) क्षेत्रज्ञ (knower of the field) एवम् (thus) अन्तरम् (distinction) ज्ञानचक्षुषा (by the eye of knowledge) ।
भूतप्रकृतिमोक्षम् (the liberation from the Prakriti of being)? च (and) ये (who) विदुः (know) यान्ति (go) ते (they) परम् (the Supreme) ।।13.35।।

 13.35 They who, by the eye of knowledge, perceive the distinction between the field and its knower and also the liberation from the Nature of being, go to the Supreme.

This knowledge of the difference between the observer and the observed should not be merely theoretical knowledge based on a reading of the Bhagwad Geeta. It should be the knowledge gained from the experience. When one sits in meditation and observes one’s real nature which is different from the body and mind, one can observe the sensations on the body and the thoughts without reaction. I feel that breath is the connector between the observer and the observed. So long as we breathe without awareness of breathing, we remain identified with the observed. As we practice conscious breathing or breathing with awareness, we start realizing our separation from the field. As one practices conscious breathing, one's identification with the field drops, and one is able to observe without reactions and with equanimity. In this stage, if one observes the body's sensations and thoughts, one comes out of their grip and regains freedom.

I am not at all trying to say that the body's sensations or thoughts have no role in our lives. They have a great functional role. They help us survive and prepare our bodies to react and respond to save our lives. The problem is the low trigger point. We can not always be in a fighting mode. If the trigger point of the emotional brain sets at an unrealistically low level, we start reacting to very insignificant matters also. Continuous reactions put our bodies under stress and we fall ill. Further, we lose awareness of our true nature and thereby lose confidence in life. We become fearful and anxious. This is how we waste the precious gift of God and rather than exploring life, we waste our entire life under constant fear. That’s why one should observe with equanimity one’s body sensations and thoughts with awareness gained by conscious breathing.